


To Build A Home

by leoistrash



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Like really angsty, M/M, UPDATE THERE'S A SECOND CHAPTER, also i wrote this at 12 am instead of sleeping lol, also mentions of ptsd ??, an underlying thing, bc i love my parents, but chan is a sweetie uwu, but whatever lololol, completely self indulgent, get you a man like chan, if you're triggered by mentions of abuse, it's a really happy and soft ending you guys, it's completely unnecessary, like not even mentions it's kinda like, literally so much fluff at the end, okay so it might be angsty at the beginning, okay this sounds really bad but it's not i pinky promise, oof woojin is really going through it, or foster care systems, or suicide then please dont read !!, talks abt abusive households foster care systems and suicide so please be mindful !!, this has lots of kissing so just a heads up, woochan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-29 08:03:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15068783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leoistrash/pseuds/leoistrash
Summary: Woojin never talked about his parents.---in which woojin has been through hell and back, but a certain shaggy haired boy tears down the walls and shows him a love that he's never known before





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi i got this idea bc it was passed 12 am and that's when it's real sad boy hours so i just started writing and then it got really out of hand. The beginning is sad as hell i made my poor boy woojin go through some shit but I promise it's a happy ending bc i cant' stand sad endings

Woojin didn’t have a family. Not now, at least. His family was a distant memory now. They were but mere shadows dancing in the back of his mind, tormenting him, teasing him. He’d tried to erase their memory, but they lingered. They always were lingering. It wasn’t like they were sudden apparitions or terrible nightmares, no that would have been much better. Instead he got this feeling. Like spiders crawling slowly all over his skin, like many low and high toned whispers coming from all directions, like a shadow appearing out of the corner of his eye and slowly moving from one edge of the room to the next. As much as he’d rather forget, Woojin still remembers his childhood, most importantly he remembers his parents and how they left him. Woojin was never a rich kid or a fortunate kid. His family lived in one of the poorer districts and his room was shared with his older brother whose face is now only a hazy memory to Woojin. His parents worked hard, harder than he’d ever seen anyone work, which explains why they cared so little for him and his brother. Woojin remembers having to wake himself and his brother up at four am just so they had enough time to get ready and walk to school. Bus tickets were a luxury that their parents didn’t want to waste money on. Woojin remembers coming home from school and seeing his mother’s dead eyes as she sat at the kitchen counter and sipped her coffee, tearing open important looking letters and her eye bags growing deeper and darker by the second. Woojin remembers the times that his father would come home at a decent time, his eyes distant, glassy, and unreadable. Woojin always asked his older brother what was wrong with them, why his family was so broken and unfixable? Why wasn’t his family like the other kids’ families? Why didn’t his mother read him a bedtime story? Or tell him she loved him? Why didn’t his father play outside with him? Why didn’t anyone pay attention to him? Why didn’t anyone love him? 

And it was on that fateful and sleepless night that Woojin finally spoke up to his parents. 

He doesn’t remember much of that night, but he does remember the high register of his mother’s screams, the strong hold of his brother, and an empty glass bottle shattering against his cheek. 

That was the last time he ever saw his parents.

It didn’t take long for child services to find out about Woojin and his brother’s situation and get them out of the house and away from their parents. Woojin felt some guilt, as much as he knew he should hate his parents for raising him to be an unloved and poor child, he felt sorry for them. He saw how hard they tried to survive, how hard they tried to let him survive. Perhaps that’s the only sign that they ever cared about him. 

He’d never know how they truly felt about him, though, because shortly after being stationed in a foster home news of his parents’ death reached him.

It was a suicide, both of them.

And Woojin didn’t shed a single tear.

The years passed and soon enough Woojin was eighteen and free to leave. Somewhere along the road he had gotten separated from his brother. He wants to remember it as an emotional and tearful goodbye, his brother pleading to let him stay, or maybe him fighting back against the arms of the social workers separating him and his brother, but it wasn’t like that. The foster system couldn’t find a family to take in two boys at once, so they shipped his brother to the other side of Korea with another family. He didn’t say goodbye, he didn’t plead, and he didn’t cry. Woojin just woke up one morning and his brother was just gone.

Just like his parents.

***

Music had been the only reason for Woojin’s survival, he’d like to say. Without music he would have gone insane. His house with his birth parents was silent and filled with emotionless breathing. The foster homes were usually packed with kids, the noisy halls and constant screams were piercing. Especially when those kids wanted nothing to do with Woojin. He was the messed up kid whose parents hated him so much they killed themselves, and kids didn’t want to be around him. It was music that helped him escape the harsh reality that was his life. Music filled the emptiness in his chest that was left by his parents, by his brother, and by everyone else. 

So when he was walking home from school and he found a flyer for idol auditions, he didn’t hesitate to tear it off the lampost and tuck it into his jacket pocket. 

***

Woojin’s time at Fantagio was short, and his time at SM was even shorter, but it was better. His life was better and he had an actual future ahead of him instead of just hopping from foster home to foster home, praying that the new parents would be a little nice to him, possibly give him a comfortable bed instead of a couch, or maybe some home cooked meals instead of cheap takeout. But he left SM. He left what was his home, because it didn’t feel like home. It felt like he was being manufactured, rebuilt, reconstructed, into a shinier and better version of himself, but he didn’t want that. He wanted to show his true self. He wanted to laugh and smile and cry and be able to feel what he truly wanted to feel. He was tired of hiding and barricading himself, but he wanted to sing. God, he wanted it so badly he’d kill for it. So he made a promise to himself. 

One more shot, one more try, and if it doesn’t work you’re done, but if it does then fuck it. We’re going for it.

Woojin cried tears of happiness when he was accepted into JYP entertainment. 

***

Going into a new environment was something Woojin was used to. He had done it throughout his whole life. He had to learn to adapt easily, but not to get too comfortable because he never knew when he’d be transferred. The main problem with Woojin was trusting the people around him. Sure he talked, he smiled and laughed at the other trainees, but there was always something that was holding him back to fully take that leap into true friendship with some other human. Maybe he was scared that they would leave like his brother did, or maybe he was scared he would leave. It was most likely the second option. That’s why he always practiced alone in the same room at the same time every single day. It was his routine. Woojin always liked to have a routine, it seemed like it was the only thing he could really control in his life, and he liked it. So every day at eight pm he would walk into practice room number 47 on the third floor and he sang his goddamn heart out. He wanted this so badly. Singing was the only thing that brought him happiness and stability to his shaky and unpredictable life. Woojin had learned to hate surprises, he wanted to always know what was going on, he wanted to always be prepared for everything.

Woojin was always prepared for everything, except he wasn’t prepared for a boy his age with shaggy dirty blond hair wearing all black to stumble into his practice room, and completely alter the course of his life.

***

It happened suddenly, like most things in Woojin’s life. One moment Woojin was practicing the vocalizing techniques his teacher recommended to him and the next moment a complete stranger manages to burst open the practice room door and fall right on top of Woojin, the laptop the boy was holding hitting his forehead on their way down.

“Oh my god, holy shit I’m so sorry, are you okay?” The man? boy? Person? Said, quickly getting up and collecting his dropped objects, most importantly the laptop that managed to put a dent in Woojin’s skull.

“No, no, it’s fine, are you okay?” Woojin asked, his overprotective nature taking over. 

“Physically, pretty good, emotionally, a complete wreck.” The guy said with a slight chuckle but then his face dropping and clasping his hand over his mouth.

“I just said that out loud didn’t I?”

Woojin smiled and nodded.

“Oh god, I’m really the worst. You’re probably so pissed right now like who the hell is this guy interrupting me working to just fall on top of me and then make a stupid self deprecating joke? I mean if I were you I’d totally slap me right now, like damn what an asshole and how dare he interrupt me- what’s your name?”

“Woojin.”

“How dare he interrupt me, Woojin, from- wait you said your name was Woojin?” The guy stopped his rambling (woojin had to admit it was kind of funny… and cute). Woojin nodded, “yes that would be me.”

“Holy shit, I know you!” The guy exclaimed and Woojin was taken a little aback.

“You-you do? How?” Woojin asked,

“Oh my god, how could I not? You’re the guy that the vocal teachers can’t stop gushing about! I’m pretty sure at least four girls have completely fallen in love with you by now, you’re like a vocal genius.” The guy finished explaining. Woojin’s eyes widened and he took a step back. People, knew him? And they gushed about him? People actually liked him and talked about him! 

“Hey, you okay?” The guy said, interrupting Woojin’s train of thought.

“I-I’m fine it’s just, I’m a little surprised I guess. People talk about me? And they say good things?” Woojin asked and the guy’s smile widened.

“Dude, of course they do! People have heard you singing in this practice room and they hear what the vocal teachers say about you. The kids here talk around a lot, there’s not much to do here anyways than just practice so when someone like you walks in and is already debut material people are gonna talk.”

“Debut material?” Woojin said in a surprised tone.

“Yeah! God, I wish I could be as talented as you. You know how quickly I would have debuted if I had your talent.”

Woojin couldn’t help but get flustered at the comment. No one ever complimented him before. His parents didn’t pay attention to him, his brother was too busy trying to keep himself alive, and every other kid he ran into the foster care system didn’t care about his talent. They were all just trying to find a good home, they didn’t have time or energy to give compliments, but here he is, standing face to face with someone his age (who’s pretty good looking, actually really good looking that it makes Woojin’s knees buckle a bit) and he just compliment him.

“Wow I- I don’t know what to say, I- thank you?” Woojin stuttered out.

The guy laughed and it sent shivers down Woojin’s spine, but they were good shivers. Not the kind he would get after he dreamed of his parents or his missing brother, but a warm kind, if that’s even possible. 

“You’re welcome, hey I was meaning to ask-” The guy started to say but was interrupted by a sudden scream coming from down the hallway and loud footsteps.

“CHRIS YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU TOLD ME WE HAD SOMEONE FOR OUR TEAM! YOU’RE A LIAR AND YOU BETTER FIND SOMEONE BEFORE MIDNIGHT OR I SHOVE YOUR LAPTOP UP YOUR ASS, I-”

The voice appeared through the door, and the voice apparently was a thin faced and wide eyed man with heart shaped lips. The boy paused, taking in the sight and seeing that there was another person in the room who had just heard his loud insults and his threat to shove a laptop up someone’s ass. 

Then the guy who Woojin had been talking to, Chris was his name (woojin knew that now that he heard large eyed guy scream it at the top of his lungs), looked at the guy at the doorway and then looked at Woojin, and it seemed like an invisible light bulb appeared over his head.

“I’m making my own group, fucking the system over and doing what I want, do you want to join?”

Woojin never agreed to something so quickly before in his entire life.

***

The team grew from four to nine in the span of a few months, and the practice room got so filled with bodies and voices, and Woojin loved it. He was used to cramped spaces, but this was different, This wasn’t filled with strangers that didn’t care for Woojin, this was filled with people that he knew and he loved. They shared everything with each other, well almost everything.

Woojin didn’t talk about his parents, ever. Woojin never told anyone about his life before Fantagio, SM, and JYP. He didn’t tell them about his parents, or his brother, or his life in foster care. It all came back to his walls surrounding himself. No matter how close he got with people, he would never learn to fully trust them. Woojin just wouldn’t let himself suffer anymore. He couldn’t. So he didn’t tell. He let them know everything else, except for his broken family. 

Especially not Chris. He would never tell him something like that. Chris already had so much on his shoulders, Woojin wouldn’t want to be a burden, so he carried his own problems silently. He also might have a small (read: large) crush on him. It was inevitable, from the first moment he saw him, with his tangled hair and his large black clothes he knew he was a goner. Plus Chris was just so caring. He always made sure everyone ate enough, that they got enough sleep, or that they were practicing well. Woojin so admired that, and he so craved that kind of care. No one had ever cared for him like that. Not his parents, nor any of his foster parents, he was always an afterthought, something they needed to take care of simply because it was a chore, but Chris was different. Chris treated him like he was a real human being who deserved love and affection. To Chris, Woojin wasn’t a chore, he was a person, and goddamnit if that didn’t make Woojin fall in love with Chris even more he didn’t know what else did. 

So, Woojin was determined to keep his secret, and along with that help Chris with all his “fatherly” attributes, taking the kids to their practices, cooking, and making sure they were in bed at a reasonable time. 

Woojin was going to keep his past hidden away and locked for no one to see, but secrets have their ways of being discovered.

***

It was the week leading up to their debut. After months of hardships and tears and emotional struggles, they were finally going to do it. Woojin would finally achieve his dream, he should have been happy, and he was, but there was just something inside. It was every time one of the members got a phone call from their parents congratulating them, or telling them how much they loved them. It was every time the members would talk about seeing their mothers and fathers at the debut showcase and how they just couldn’t wait to see them. It was every time someone would ask him if his parents would come to see their debut.

The feeling was like poison slowly trickling up his blood stream, inflicting every vital organ before sending him into complete shut down mode and his heart would stop beating and his eyes would roll back into his head… and he would die.

God, sometimes he wishes he were dead when people talked and gushed about their families. It’s like they were doing it on purpose, and of course they weren’t, they didn’t even know, but that was the worst part.

They didn’t even know. They didn’t know how much Woojin was suffering from every word they would throw out: mother, father, brother, family. They didn’t know how much he had wished to have a mother and father to come out to see him. They don't know how much he wanted his brother to see him now, to meet him after the show and hug him tightly and never let go. They didn’t know that Woojin had no one. 

As much as it pained him, he kept his smiling face on and joked along with his members like he usually did, but something was off. Chris could tell something was off with Woojin the second Jeongin picked up the phone call from his mother. He could tell something was wrong with the way Woojin’s eyes shook slightly when someone would mention their family. Chris could tell Woojin was going through something, especially when they would ask about his family but he would just change the subject with practiced ease. Chris knew something was wrong with Woojin, and he was going to fix it. 

It happened one night when Chris couldn’t fall asleep as quickly as he usually does. It was the night before their debut stage, and he was incredibly restless, but he tried not to show it. The kids were all fast asleep and Chris was about to drift off until he heard labored breathing coming from Woojin’s side of the room. Then there was continuous tossing and turning, until he could hear Woojin violently sit up, his breathing heavy. Woojin sat for a moment, staring blankly at the wall, trying to calm his heart down, until he couldn’t take the darkness anymore so he got up out of his bed, walking slowly towards the door and closing it slowly as to not wake anyone up, but Chris was already awake, and he didn’t hesitate to cautiously follow Woojin out the room, careful not to wake Minho up. Woojin walked into the living room and to one of the windows facing the still busy and bustling city of Seoul. He opened the window, letting the fresh air hit his face and he let himself relax. His tense shoulders slid down and he closed his eyes, basking in the cold and refreshing air. Woojin paused for a moment before taking a deep breath.

“Mom, dad, can you hear me, wherever you are?” 

Chris stood at the other side of the living room, safely hidden behind the wall, his heart dropping once he heard Woojin speak.

“God, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I’m just so sick of hiding everything. I’m sick of having to smile in front of people when they mention how great of a family they have. I’m so tired of having to say some bullshit lie about why my parents can’t come to the debut showcase. I just want to say the truth. I just want to come out and say that you both were shit parents who didn’t pay attention to their kids and had to work three jobs just to keep the shit hole of a house we lived in. I want to say that my dad was an alcoholic piece of trash and that my mom didn’t even do anything to defend her sons. I want to say that I was taken away from my parents by a goddamn foster care system and I was separated from my brother by that same system. I want to tell everyone that I have no one. I don’t have a mom or a dad or a brother, because they all left me.”

Woojin slid down the wall and onto the floor, curling up into a ball as to stop the piercing pain in his chest.

“I have no one.” 

And Woojin cried. He cried silently, the tears rolling down his face quickly but quietly. The pain silent but still suffocating. Everything was just suffocating. The air was becoming thick and hard to inhale and suddenly Woojin’s hands were shaking and his vision became foggy like his brother’s face. Woojin choked on a desperate sob, pleading in his head please please please don’t leave me.

And suddenly there was warmth. The air got clear again and Woojin’s shaky hands were being stabilized by something, no someone. Their voice was soft and comforting, and Woojin couldn’t understand what they were saying for a few seconds, his vision was still blurry and his hands were still shaky but someone was there and he wasn’t alone. 

The voice became clearer and his vision managed to focus on the man holding him close to his chest, whispering comforting words into his ears and stroking his back with one hand and holding Woojin’s neck softly with the other. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay. I’m right here, listen, I’m right here, and I’m never going to leave.” Chris said softly.

“Never?” Woojin choked out, his grip on Chris’s shirt getting tighter.

“Never.” 

“You promise?” Woojin asked, looking up and making eye contact with Chris’s soft eyes.

“Woojin,” Chris started to say, “I’m not your parents. I’m not a foster care system. I’m me, and I swear to God I’ll never ever leave you. Doesn’t matter what happens, I’m not leaving, I promise.”

Woojin threw his arms around Chris’s neck and pulled him closer as he sobbed, this time it was loud. Woojin had always cried silently. His tears would pile up in silence as he sat still and let the emotion take over for a few seconds before leaving and letting him go back to normal. He was never allowed to show weakness, therefore he never made noise when he cried, but now, now he was hiccuping and sobbing and choking on his tears and goddamnit it felt so good. Chris understood, because Chris always understands, and he just let Woojin pour his everything out with stroking his back and holding him close. 

“I-I’m sorry you had to see that, or hear it, I don’t want this to turn into some pity party-”

“Hey, hey” Chris said, cutting Woojin off. “Don’t apologize for that, ever. You held so much inside you for so long it had to explode. Your emotions are normal, your feelings are normal, so don’t ever apologize for them. And with your parents, I’m sorry you couldn’t tell me more upfront and that I had to find out about it like this, but you can always tell me everything. I’m always here for you and I always will be here for you. You’ve been through so much, Woojin, I just wish you could have told me sooner so I could have helped you.”

“I know, I know. I wanted to tell you and the others I just- I was so scared I’d become a spectacle or some kicked puppy that needs to be watched over and pitied. I just didn’t want your opinion of me to change, or anyone’s opinion of me to change.” Woojin explained, and Chris’s hold on Woojin’s hand tightened slightly. 

“Our opinions of you wouldn’t have changed. We still see you as the fantastic Woojin we’ve always known and loved. I will always see you as the incredibly talented dork who i hit in the forehead with my laptop.” At that, the two laughed slightly, the depressing atmosphere being lifted.

“Promise me, no more secrets, okay?” Chris said, holding up his pinkie finger. Woojin smiled and nodded, hooking his finger with Chris’s.

“I promise.”

“Good.” Chris said, smiling too. The pair stayed there for a few seconds, just looking at each other and letting the tension build between them.

“Chris.” Woojin said, making the man squeeze their still interlocked fingers as a sign that he was paying attention.

“You said no more secrets, right?” Woojin asked and Chris nodded his head, “right.”

“Well, I have one more secret to share, and this honestly might ruin everything but I’ve already unintentionally told you my whole life story, so what do I really have to lose?” Woojin rambled for a bit, causing Chris to become a little confused.

“Just, don’t say anything until I’m done, okay?” 

Chris nodded his head and let Woojin continue.

“I like you, as in more than a friend like. As in more than a band mate or roommate like. For a while I thought it was just because you showed me actual and genuine love and respect that I got different types of love confused but I know now. You treated me like a human being. You made me feel like I was worth it. You made me feel loved, and I don’t think I can ever repay you for that. I guess the only way to do it is to just, love you back, but my kind of love if probably different than yours. Chris, I love you, but not like a friend or a group mate. I love you like a wife would love her husband or like a boyfriend would love his boyfriend, and I’m sorry if I just ruined everything but I just-”

But Woojin never got to finish, because suddenly there was a warm pair of lips touching his own, sending shivers down his spine again. It was those warm shivers again, those that made him feel safe and calm and loved. God, he felt so loved, with the way Chris would tighten his hold on Woojin’s hand, or how he would move his hand up to cradle Woojin’s head, or how he would move his lips ever so slowly but beautifully against Woojin’s, Woojin felt loved. 

The older took his free hand and brought it up to cup Chris’s cheek, the boy leaning into the touch and slowly breaking the kiss.

“God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” Chris whispered out and Woojin chuckled lightly, leaning in to press another kiss to Chris’s lips, leaving them tingling and warm and wanting more. 

“I love you.” Chris whispered in between the small space in between their faces.

“I love you, too.” Woojin whispered back, closing the gap between them and letting the night pass by them as they kept pressing kiss after kiss to each other’s lips.

Changbin didn’t question it when he found his hyungs asleep against the wall in the living room, their breathing heavy and their hands intertwined. 

***

Woojin didn’t have parents or a brother. They were either dead or missing, but what he did have was a family. It consisted of eight boys fighting over food, kicking each other in the shins, and practicing until the sweat collected on the floor. His family was eight boys who loved him unconditionally. His family was Chris and his comforting hugs, his soft whispers, and his warm lips.

Woojin didn’t have a mom, a dad, or a brother, but he did have a family.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woojin didn’t think it would take him twenty years to finally find a family, but he did, and he’s so glad he did.
> 
> But as much as Woojin had moved on from his past, telling his fellow group mates the story and finally breaking down the walls he had put up years ago, he still had moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who's back with pART TWO wOOO
> 
> lol this was COMPLETELY unecessary but i still wanted to write it bc i want to fill the woochan tag
> 
> this ship deserves more love and appreciation and more fics k thanks for coming to my ted talk
> 
> anyways i hope you guys enjoy this !!

Woojin had found family in the loud voices, messy rooms, and tight warm hugs consisting of eight other boys. It took him twenty years, but he had finally found his family. Woojin didn’t only find a family, but he found love. He found it in a sleep deprived and dorky boy who would hold him tighter than anyone has ever held him before. Woojin found love in a man who told him every chance he got that he would never leave, I promise. 

Woojin didn’t think it would take him twenty years to finally find a family, but he did, and he’s so glad he did.

***

As much as Woojin had moved on from his past, telling his fellow group mates the story and finally breaking down the walls he had put up years ago, he still had moments. It was normal, of course, for someone like Woojin to still have moments during his day where he would be reminded of his lost brother or his dead parents, but now he had people to rely on. He had the kids, who would shower him in hugs and endless cuddles, and he also had Chris, who would kiss the hazy and taunting memories away and who would always remind him that i’m never going to leave. 

Yet as much support and love Woojin had, he still had the rough nights. Those nights where his brother’s unclear face would appear in front of him and his parents would be seen lying motionless on the ground. 

Tonight was one of those nights.

***

It was dark and the air was cold. Everywhere it was just black, no source of light or of anything at all. It was just darkness, but at least Woojin could breathe. At least he could feel the air moving in and out of his body, keeping him alive and keeping him steady. But then it wasn’t dark anymore, there was light, there was a sun and a sky and an endless stretch of reflective water under him, but he didn’t fall, instead Woojin stood on top of the water, looking at himself through the reflection of the motionless water. 

“Woojin.” 

A voice rang out through the empty world, making Woojin look up and make eye contact with three bodies standing a few feet away from him. Their faces were blocked by a fog, but Woojin knew who they were. It was the pushing feeling in his chest that gave it away, and suddenly the air wasn’t so clean and cold. It was hot and thick and it was filling his lungs to the brim with poison.

Two of the three figures stepped forwards, the fog lifting and revealing his parents’ faces. Their eyes the same as Woojin remembered them, distant, glassy, and emotionless, and suddenly Woojin wanted to look away. Their stares were constricting his stomach, halting his breathing, and making him feel inhuman. Woojin wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried to turn his head or move away, he was stuck, and that made him panic even more.

“Woojin.” They spoke again, but they had one voice. They weren’t two different people anymore, but one entity. One destructive and evil entity that made Woojin’s chest feel tight and his breathing to become even more labored.

“You killed us.”

Woojin tried to speak, to say anything, but his voice was gone. His throat was closed and it felt like his whole body was being squeezed like a sponge. And suddenly, his parents were gone. They were in front of him one second, then the next they just were gone, and Woojin could breathe again. His body felt lose and untensed, and he could breathe. 

“Woojin.” 

His voice rang through Woojin’s ears, it was him. It was his voice. Woojin knew his voice from the various nights when he was a child, when his brother would hold him close and tell him everything was going to be okay. It was the voice that would soothe him, bring him comfort and joy. It used to be the only voice that Woojin felt comfortable with, until he left, but he’s here, right in front of Woojin. He’s so close, just at arms reach, but Woojin couldn’t move. As much as he wanted to run up and hug his brother, wipe the fog away from his face so he could see him, he couldn’t.

“Why did you leave me, Woojin?” his brother said, his voice loud but soft at the same time, sending a shiver down Woojin’s spine.

I didn’t leave you! Woojin tried to say, but it didn’t come out. Nothing would come out of his mouth. His throat was clogged again, and his body was being crushed.

“Why did you forget about me, Woojin?”

I didn’t forget! I didn’t forget! I could never forget you! Woojin screamed inside his brain, trying so hard to speak, but the words were halted in his mouth, the tears started to stream down his face and he couldn’t breathe 

Woojin fought against the imaginary force holding him still, trying to reach out to his faceless brother, trying to do anything he could, but it was impossible. He was stuck, he was voiceless, and he felt like he was dying. 

Then his brother turned around and started to walk away, and Woojin felt like the weight of the world crashed on top of him. He fought and fought and tried so hard to speak, move, do anything, but his brother was walking farther and farther away and he would soon be gone forever. His brother would be gone forever. 

Woojin’s throat ached and burned from all the silent screams ripping at his vocal chords, and suddenly he felt a scream leave his lips and the tears stream down his face, but he was no longer in the empty and bright world. It was suddenly dark again, but it was a comforting dark, and he felt warm, and he could breathe. There was someone on top of him, speaking inaudible words that Woojin couldn’t understand but he still felt safe. There was a hand holding his own, grounding him, guiding him, so that he could come back down to earth and forget the blurry faces and the pain in his chest. 

And suddenly the voice was clear and the person was recognizable and his face wasn’t blocked by a fog, because he was right here and he was not going to leave. 

“Are you okay?” Chris whispered softly once Woojin’s breathing got steady again. Woojin nodded and squeezed their interlocked hands. 

“Nightmare?” Chris asked, and he was right. He was always right. Woojin nodded again.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Woojin let out a shaky breath and let himself relax into Chris’s hold.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Chris said, making Woojin relax even more, his tense muscles easing and he let himself fall deeper into the mattress.

“No, no I want to tell you. We promised, no secrets.” Woojin said and Chris couldn’t help but smile and press a kiss to his forehead. 

“How about I take you somewhere?” Chris asked, an idea popping into his head.

“Chris, it’s the middle of the night, plus we’re not allowed to leave, we’ll get in trouble.” Woojin responded, but Chris got out of bed anyways, pulling Woojin up with him.

“We won’t get in trouble if no one catches us.” Chris says cheekily, but still quietly because Minho was still sleeping soundly on the other bed. Woojin sighed but smiled, “fine, but let’s do it silently, I don’t want any of the kids to wake up and catch us.”

“You got it, darling.” 

***  
The night air was fresh and sent a cold feeling down Woojin’s throat, causing his body to relax and his grip on Chris’s hand to tighten ever so slightly. Chris looked over at Woojin and smiled that stupid dorky smile that Woojin loved so much.

“Aren’t you glad we broke the rules?” Chris asked cheekily. 

“We’re always breaking the rules, if you think about it.” Woojin replied teasingly.

“Touché.” Chris responded, bumping against Woojin’s shoulder playfully, which caused the older boy to do it back.

“Care to tell me where exactly we’re going?” Woojin asked as they kept walking down the empty streets. 

“Nowhere special, really, I just wanted to get out of the house, and I wanted us to be alone.” Chris explained. 

“Cheesy loser.” Woojin joked, bumping his shoulder with Chris’s again.

“That I am, both cheesy and a loser, but you looovee meee.” Chris said, drawing out the last two words and leaning into the older boy’s body.

“Oh please, I tolerate you.” Woojin responded, hitting Chris’s shoulder again with his own, but still holding their intertwined hands together. 

“You wound me, darling.” Chris said, clutching his chest with his free hand and dramatically showing his pained expression.

“Oh come on you big baby, stop being so dramatic.” Woojin said, dragging the grown toddler along with him. Chris laughed and stumbled forward, practically tripping over his own two feet, causing Woojin to stumble with him and the pair to burst into conjoined laughter. 

They never let go of each other’s hands.

***

Eventually, the pair sat down on a park bench, the only sign of human life being the tired food vendor a few yards away. The air was getting slightly warmer, signifying the hours passing and the night would soon turn into day, but there was still time. Woojin and Chris always found time in the small fragments of seconds where they could really just be themselves. No wandering or curious eyes, no fear of press or scandals, it was those few minutes that made it all worth it. The time was short, they were always short on time it seems, but they learned to make do with it. Subtle touches of the hands during their vlives, quick stolen kisses in the empty hallways, quiet and drawn out moments where they had the fortune of being alone, soft touches and whispered I love you’s as they made love in a rarely empty dorm, and the long hours of the night where they got to finally hold each other under the protective layer of darkness and bedsheets. 

There were only a few hours of the night left, but they knew how to make every second count.

There was practically no space in between the two as they sat on the park bench, their hands lay intertwined and on top of their touching thighs, Woojin’s head rested on top of Chris’s shoulder, and the younger’s head on top of Woojin’s. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Chris whispered softly, his warm voice giving Woojin the reassurance he needed at the moment. 

“Yeah.” Woojin breathed out, his fingers playing with Chris’s. Chris clasped their hands together and used his thumb to caress the back of Woojin’s hand. 

“It started with me being in this room, I guess, but it was all dark and the air was cold. It kind of hurt to breathe, but it was manageable. I didn’t feel scared, but then the darkness disappeared and now I’m in this weird world where the ground was all water and the sky was just bright blue. Then there were these three people in front of me, but their faces were covered by a fog, so I couldn’t recognize them, until the two people at the ends stepped up and the fog disappeared, and-” Woojin paused for a moment, his throat becoming constricted, and Chris squeezed their intertwined hands and pressed a kiss to the top of Woojin’s head reminding him that he was take all the time he needs, and that he’s right here. 

“It was my parents. Their faces were just… right there, and it made me sick. I tried to look away and break eye contact, but I just couldn’t. Then they started speaking and it just sounded like a mesh of many voices together and they started saying how I was the reason why they died and how I was the one who killed them, but before I could even react they were gone.” Woojin paused and took another deep breath, focusing on the soft caress of Chris’s thumb against the back of his hand, the warm breath against the top of his head, and the overall reassurance that someone is right there, holding him close and never letting go. 

“Then the third figure stepped up, and the fog was still covering his face but I knew who it was. I could just tell, and then he said my name and then I knew, and this feeling of tightness just overwhelmed my body and the air was hot and I couldn’t breathe. But then he started saying how I was the one who left him all those years ago and how I forgot about him, and I couldn’t even see his face. I- I can’t remember his face, at all. All those years I spent with him and all those nights where he was the only person who gave me comfort and I can’t even remember his face or what he even looked like and I can’t help but feel so guilty. I don’t even know where he is right now, if he’s dead or alive, I don’t know and I can never find out and I’m here with a home and food and love and care and- god, what if he never got that? What if he’s dead somewhere in the back of an ally? Why did I get lucky? Why me, and why not him-” 

“Woojin.” Chris said with an unwavering voice, cutting Woojin off. For a second, the older was reminded of the nightmare: how his parents and his brother would say his name and it would send fear crawling down his spine, but this was different. Chris said it with warmth and steadiness.

“Woojin, listen to me.” Chris said seriously, placing his hands on either side of Woojin’s cheeks.

“You deserve your life. You deserve to be here. You deserve this life. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to lose someone like your brother, but I can imagine what it would be like to lose you, and goddamnit I don’t want to lose you. Your brother would have wanted you to have this life, to be happy and healthy and surrounded by people who love you unconditionally, so don’t think for a second that you don’t deserve this. If you weren’t here I honestly don’t know how I would have made it this far. You keep me grounded and steady, you watch over me and the kids, you are my rock, you are my everything. I love you so much, more than you can imagine, and I’m not letting you slip away.”

And suddenly the world was clear again, and Woojin could finally breathe properly. His whole life was like he was submerged underwater. The voices around him were muffled, his vision was blurred, and he could never breathe. Even when Chris first kissed him that night, Woojin still felt that slight pressure on his chest, making his breathing forced and hard. It was always a voice in his head: he didn’t deserve his life, he didn’t deserve his team, he didn’t deserve Chris, but now it was gone, and his head was clear and his breathing was normal. 

“Woojin-”

“Stop talking, you’re gonna make me cry harder.” Woojin said with a slight laugh, causing Chris to break out into a wide smile and a laugh. The older then suddenly threw his arms around Chris, holding him close with a tight grip, letting a few stray tears fall down his face. Chris brought up a hand and held the back of Woojin’s head, making the older bury his head in Chris’s neck, his warm breath tickling the younger’s neck. 

Then Chris cupped Woojin’s cheeks, creating a little distance between their faces, taking a few seconds to stare into the beautiful galaxies that were buried deep in Woojin’s eyes, and then closing the gap between them.

Woojin brought his hands up to tangle his fingers in Chris’s messy brown hair and bringing him even closer, if that was even possible. Chris wrapped his strong arms around Woojin’s waist and tilted his head to deepen the kiss, their soft lips moving slowly against each other in a rhythm that had been perfected after many sleepless nights. The pair separated for a moment, their faces still only centimeters apart, before Chris playfully nudged Woojin’s nose with his own, making the older giggle. 

“You’re such a dork.” Woojin said in between his light giggles.

“Yeah, but I’m your dork.” Chris said, a goofy smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah, you are.” And Woojin dove in to steal another kiss, this one more passionate, emotions running through their veins and the pressure of time heavy in their hearts. Chris moved his hands so that now they were resting on Woojin’s hips, lifting him up and placing him on his lap and Woojin couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. 

The older rested his hands on either side of Chris’s face, feeling the warm skin underneath his fingertips as he moved his lips against Chris’s, electricity running down their spines. Woojin felt Chris’s grip on his hips tighten for a second, before his hands moved from their position. Chris wrapped an arm around Woojin’s waist and ran the other up his back to hold the back of his neck, effectively bringing their bodies flush against each other. Woojin tilted his head, sucking lightly on Chris’s bottom lip before seperating.

“I love you.” Woojin said, his voice a hushed whisper.

“I love you too, darling.” 

And Chris kissed the older’s cheeks, then the corner of his mouth, then dove back in to kiss his lover senseless. The pair continued to be entangled with each other, their mouths pressed together, before Chris could feel a slight change in temperature and the air getting warmer, a strange warm light hitting the side of his face.

Chris broke from Woojin’s intoxicating kisses and turned to face the direction of the new and strange warmth that wasn’t there before, and then realizing-

“Is that the fucking sun?!” 

***

Dawn broke over the city of Seoul, the streets still as empty and quiet as they were before, only this time rays of sunlight fell over the dorment city. There were a few quiet souls walking about: someone coming home from a long night of work, a homeless woman, the owner of a small bakery turning on the “open” sign, and a pair with stars in their eyes and warm hearts, their fingers wrapped in each other’s. 

They were walking down the silent streets as they were a few hours ago, their minds slipped from the concept of time and they got lost in each other’s hold, but eventually they had to realize that their dorm would be soon awake, filled with loud mouths and curious eyes, but they didn’t mind.

They didn’t mind how they only really had a few hours, tops, to each other. They didn’t mind how they had to talk in hushed whispers at night for fear of waking the others. They didn’t mind how they would probably have to wait many years before the hidden touches and rushed kisses could be not so secretive anymore. 

They really didn’t mind, because Chris and Woojin knew that they still had a whole lifetime ahead of them, and that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wOO AND WE'RE DONE
> 
> this took a lot longer than i anticipated lol
> 
> it also ended up being a l o t longer than i wanted it to but ehh i dont care
> 
> i hope you guys enjoyed and i just wanna say thank you so much for all the comments on the last chapter they mean so so much to me and they motivate me to write more and give me so much inspiration so thank you so much i love you all mwah
> 
> also!! follow me on tumblr and insta if you want to chat, I'm always open to making new friends
> 
> Tumblr: minminhyukkie
> 
> instagram: kimuwujin


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